Stella is 4 now and my love for her grows with each passing day.  She is the light of my life, always reminding me of how all-encompassing love can be.


When she’s sick, how all my thoughts turn to her.  How can I bring her comfort and relief?  A piece of my hearts aches each time she gets hurt, both physically and emotionally.  To tell her it will all be ok.  To feed her soul as much as I nourish her body.

I feel as though I am lying sometimes.  Life can be brutish and cruel.  It isn’t always full of ease.

I have had a hard road of it at times.  The path I am presently on is not easy and I find myself walking through some dark woods.  Each day I try to find my bearings.  I try to cut my way through the emotional and spiritual bullshit that has built up over a lifetime.  These are woods i have helped create.


There is light shining through and it’s not all darkness and grief.  I’m slowly eliminating the rot, clearing the undergrowth, and discovering that there is a way out.  That way is ultimately lit by love.  The love that I have for a child and the love she returns to me tenfold.  The love I can rediscover for myself through forgiveness and integrity.  The love I have for a woman, that runs deep, that grounds me.  The love my Higher Power has always had.

Love conquers all?  I’d like to believe that.  I do know that love is the balm that heals all and it comes to us in many forms.  I’ve been cut, scraped and bruised in my walk through life, but I will keep walking because the promise of life, the balm of love is ever-present.

Stella sleeps in the other room, surrounded by light and love.  The healing has begun.


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